Thursday, June 7, 2012
Just here to get things off my mind for now. :(
ok i know my latest post wasnt any fun and this one won't be either. i have discovered a few new beauty items that i absolutely love and will hopefully post as soon as i can.
but for now it's late, i'm home alone with my son, and i'm feeling sad. my husbands job demands a lot of hours at work, and i know he works hard for us, but i can't wait til we get out of the military. i don't think he understands right now what it is like to be on my end at all. wait, i take that back, i don't think he understands at all what it is to be me at all.
men - they're taught to not show any emotions or it resembles weakness. this is true to my husbands part. there have been many times when i've gone through sometime hard and i've done it alone. i know, it only makes me stronger, BUT i really need him to understand me this time.
there have been a number of times when i've wanted to pack up and just go back home, but this time it's happening for real and it's not out my anger or past immature issues.
a few things i'm afraid of, not wanting to come back to the military life after this move. i know i love my husband dearly, but i don't know how much more of this i can take. it hasn't even started but i really hate his job schedule as it is already.
i'm dreading the moment my son tells me he misses his daddy. it will absolutely break my heart every time as it does already when we are home. the shift in life will be hard for him if we move back to the military life. well it will be hard both ways.
i'm feeling a little abandoned, almost like i want to hate him so i can just pretend he's leaving because we weren't meant to be. the biggest thing i see in my head when i look at him now is "i'm leaving".
i really need to get it together..but i'm scattered in pieces everywhere. i'm sure one by one ill pick myself back up.