Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Keenan Means Everything To Me

One day if this blog is still around and you read this Keenan, just know that I love you.

Having a child is like giving your heart away.  I had the baby blues when I had Keenan.  I would just stare at him and start crying.  I feared for his life because he was so tiny and I wanted to shield him from the world. 

If anything ever happened to him, I know for sure I would never be the same again.  It is hard raising a child almost by yourself, especially at a young age (i'm 23 but I still think it's sort of young).  He will turn 2 soon on the 30th of June.  Time does fly by, I remember blogging when he was a newborn.  He would just lay there in his bouncer and stare and me as I typed away.  Now he runs around and wants to do everything I do. 

My MIL doesn't really keep in touch and she called this month asking for some money not knowing that it was both her son and grandson's birthday this month.  It bothers me honestly, because the love I have for Keenan is different.  I don't expect anything from him and I don't ever want to.  I want to be able to take care of him as long as I can.  I don't expect him to provide for me when I get older. 

I also hate it because I feel like every time she calls, it ruins the mood for my husband and I have to comfort him even though i'm sure he doesn't care.  I tell him that I love him and that I am here for him, and to not feel bad.  She talks him down and asks him why don't I have a job..which really bothers me because even if I did have a shouldn't be her business.  It really gets under my skin!!!  When asian people don't support stay at home moms..well what else am I supposed to do?  Work at walmart and try to pay for daycare that costs $140+ a week?  I don't even think my paycheck will cover that. 

So anyways, when someone interferes with our life and disrupts it, I can't help but be more protective of my family.  My boys mean everything to me.  They know me better than most people probably 

1 comment:

xoladiihoneyxo said...

Sorry about that... I guess it just happens. I don't think all Asian parents are like that and I don't believe in mom going out to work... maybe you can find something to do at home like work at home, I meant.. even though you're a full-time mom already. I actually think its a great idea to be a stay at home mom and take care of your child during those innocence phase. I hope you the best dear <3