Friday, May 20, 2011

You know, i've always had it in the back of my head that I never really cared about what I looked like until I got married.  Seeing the way my husband made comments about people made me feel insecure, like.."do they think that about me?!"  It was a bit scary and it's how i've come to be the way I am today.  I'm not as insecure as I used to be because i've learned to accept things and pick at my husband too (haha).  He is the way he is, I don't know why but he picks out things that make someone the most insecure about themselves and puts it on full blast sometimes.  He's toned down a whole lot since we've been married because i've reminded him many times to think before he says something. 

But like my husband, there are many more people out there who can be blunt and rude.  I still do care about how I look like, but it's for me and no one else.  I feel like the media pressures us to have fake boobs and a perfect face and body.  I'm glad that when I go to wal-mart, I don't see walking barbie and ken's everywhere.  It reminds me that people are still real, and themselves.  I do feel bad for people who are different, but only because I know the mean things other people say about them.  Different, in a sense of handicapped, obese, or something really obvious.  Some people just dont ever put themselves in someone else's shoe. 

I just wanted to get my thought out because as I was doing my exercise reps, I was thinking, "why do i care so much?  and why do i keep trying to lose weight when i have nothing to look forward to?"  I am currently 140lbs and 5'6" which is thankfully in the healthy range.  I do want to tone up, but I'm tired of feeling pressure of having to be super skinny from watching tv.  Maybe I should stop watching tv.  ..haha.  or receiving the VS emails.  I don't think I eat bad, I take mile walks most mornings with Keenan and continue to stay moving throughout the day. 

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