Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Why I've Been Holding Back

There are many things i'd like to do with my life like learn how to play the drums and go on tour with a crazy rock band, work behind the scenes for big film productions, learn how to sew and create designs. 

I don't know, as you can see, I like to learn.  Even though I hated high school, I like to learn things that interest me.  I'm a fast learner, but something always holds me back.  There's a good number of things that hold me back actually, but the main one is fear.  I am easily discouraged and usually when I fail, I FAIL.  Well at least to me, like in my earlier post, I put a lot of pressure on myself to try to perfect something. 

I know my husband doubts me and the sad part is I prove him right.  He should support me, but I honestly don't know what he wants me to do.  He's not the happiest about my career of choice, but he says okay.  I know he loves me being a stay at home mom/wife, but when I see people move on with their lives, it makes me want to get out and do something I love. 

I just need to believe in myself more.  I feel like i've failed in many fields as far as trying to make my parents proud, finishing college, finishing anything really.  I just have so much going on in my mind, if I don't write down a list, i'm all over the place. I physically have to write down a list of what I have to do set myself straight.  *sigh* 

I'm an onion, you have to keep peeling back the layers. 


glitteryeyesxx said...

Babe, you seriously are one of the coolest ppl I have been fortunate enough to meet on Blogger.

You're beautiful! Physically, it's obvious. But the more I read about what you have to say (thru your blog here and on Facebook), you are right! You have so many layers hidden deep inside of you. I think you are just scared to peel it all back, because of what you might find? But honestly, I think you will be VERY pleasantly surprised to see what a strong, smart, and determined young woman you have become. Don't be AFRAID OF IT. Embrace it!

You are such a great mother to Keenan, and I know your hubby loves and is grateful to you for that. It's time to start doing what makes YOU happy. Once Keenan becomes older, it'd be a wonderful chance for you to get involved with your passion or interests (going back to school? Taking classes that are in tuned with what you like? Culinary classes? Knitting? The list goes on!) But the thing is, you will have to think for yourself and be the best YOU! Keenan and Walley will love you so much for being true to yourself, if you're happy...that means that they will be too. <33

miss wiggle said...

*HUG!!!!!* I don't know what to say, but go for what you love Leslie! I've failed and quit many times in life. But once you find something you really love, you'll be able to succeed in it.


Marie. said...

Everyday is a new chance to do something new. I've failed at a lot in my life but I want to achieve SOMETHING in this life and I'm determined to! It might take time, but don't give up!

It's your life and if people doubt you or not, it's up to you what you want to do with your life!